Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
