well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
