I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
