so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
