The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
