The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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