I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
