yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
