I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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