and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize