this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
