he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
