Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
