I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
