it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
