what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
