He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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