she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
