I want to walk on stilts...naked
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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