I'd wear matching sweaters with you
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
