If that was your dad, he is hot
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
