Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
