she looked like the bat from fern gully.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
