next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
