he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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