What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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