A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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