That's intense
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
