i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
