sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
