During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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