so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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