My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
