I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
