She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
