I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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