yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
