We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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