So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Come on in and take your pants off
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
