i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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