apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
