Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
