it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
