I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
