well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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