my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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