We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
