some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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