i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I want a musical about memes.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize