my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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