what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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