I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
