I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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