apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize