I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
