i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
