He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize