It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh god it's open bar.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
