smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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