I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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