Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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