Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
