I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
