on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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