Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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