yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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