The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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