She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
