This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
