i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Every concussion has its silver lining
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize