The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
