This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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