Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
