well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
