the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
