what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I want her autograph on my taint
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
