He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
