Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
