So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Im part way to drunk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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