he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
