I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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