last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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