I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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