i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
