I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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