i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
