YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
