Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
