don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
