that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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