we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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