I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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