2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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