I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
