She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize