He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My penis needs a shock collar
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
