He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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