So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
