Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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